Economic lesson for today...

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Economic lesson for today...
$7.00 Sex



An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'



He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

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This is for all the grandfathers out there.

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food,

and I would even thank you more

if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert.

And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby,

I heard a woman remark,

"That's what's wrong with this country.

Kids today don't even know how to pray.

Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me,

"Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him,

an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grand-son and said,

"I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added

(indicating the woman whose remark
had started this whole thing),

"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.

A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal.

My grand-son stared at his for a moment,

and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word,

walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he told her,

"Here, this is for you.

Shove it up your a$$ you grouchy old b***h! "



Touches the heart doesn't it?

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CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was just too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozie to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen, "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
"You know where the button is!" I protested through the shower, "Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" she pleaded, "What if it starts going and sucks me in? Come on, it'll only take a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leaped at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my lower masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known?

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HAPPY?
A couple was lying in bed. The man said, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replied, "I'll miss you."

EMAIL SECURITY
How can a woman keep her man from reading her email?

Rename the email folder, "Instruction Manuals."

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WHAT PERFUME?
Two models got on an elevator with a tiny elderly lady. Each model was bragging about the expensive perfume she was wearing and looked at the old lady to see what she was going to say. Her floor to get off the elevator was there, so she told them her perfume was brocolli florets and farted really loud, then got off the elevator while shaking her bootie at them, saying, "And theres your free sample. Enjoy, ladies."

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JONAH AND THE WHALE
A four year old was coloring a picture of the Biblical account of Jonah getting swallowed by a great fish. The teacher was going by each child's desk viewing their art. She stopped and asked the little girl what she was coloring. The little girl said, "I am coloring a picture of Jonah getting swallowed by a whale."

The teacher said, "It's not possible for a whale to swallow a human. Their throat is much too small to do that."

The little girl insisted that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

So the teacher said, "Where is Jonah now?"

"He's in Heaven," the little girl replied, "And I will ask God how the whale swallowed him, when I die and go to Heaven too. Ok?"

The teacher replied, "Well what if Jonah didn't go to Heaven and went to Hell?"

Undaunted, the little girl replied, "Then, you can ask him

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MOTHER'S BREAST MILK
Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid term exam. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was: Name seven advantages of mothers milk.

The student in question had also partied the night before, and found it difficult to think of 7 advantages.

He wrote:
1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature.
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
Then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:

7. It comes in such cute containers.

He was the only student to ace the exam 100%.

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Close shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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