Geography Lesson on Women and Men

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Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!



Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for some one of real

value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,with a glorious and all conquering past.


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.




Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,

self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

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Father O'Malley
Father O'Malley, an Irish priest, was transferred to Texas. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He arose from his bed one morning and walked to the window to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. To his
surprise he noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local
police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead
in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, being a Lutheran and considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it
was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long
moment....... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true. But we are also obliged to notify the next of kin
first, which is the reason for me call!"

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FATHER OF THE YEAR"

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

I WISH I COULD THINK THAT QUICKLY!

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How to get to Heaven from Ireland

I was testing children in my Dublin class to see if they understood
the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale
and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept
everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'No!' By now I was starting to smile.

' Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the
children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, they all answered 'No!'. I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out 'YUV GOTTA BE FUKN' DEAD..........'

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A woman was playing golf alone at the 'Mississauga Golf & Country Club' when she took a big swing, slipped and fell.
The party waiting behind her was a group from Queen's Park that included Dalton McGuinty.

Having seen the lady fall, Dalton quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.

She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm Dalton McGuinty and I hope you'll vote for me in the next election."

She laughed loudly and quickly said, "I fell on my butt, not my head."

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CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

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WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES.

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES.

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL WAS AWAITING YOU.

IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN.

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS & PETS.

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE ?


Well....... HELLOOooo !!!!!!!




You'd be at the
WRONG F*****' HOUSE

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A guy in a bar was about as drunk as it's possible to get.

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and

take him home.

First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he

lives, but he keeps falling down.

He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real

thud.

After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to

the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband

home."

The wife asks, "What happened to his wheelchair?"

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Three nuns were walking toward the pearly gates when they got there there stood St. Peter.

He said "Okay, in order to enter the kingdom of heaven you have to be able to answer one question."

The nuns agreed. So he asked the first one "Who was the first man on earth?" She responded that's an easy one Adam." The gates open the lights came on and she walked up the stairs.

The second nun stepped up and St. Peter asked "Who was the first woman on earth?" the woman replied "That easy, Eve." The gates opened lights came on and she walked up the stairs.

The third nun stepped up and St. Peter asked "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

She set there for a minute and said "THAT'S A HARD ONE" the gates opened lights came on and she walked up the stairs.

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WALKING THE DOG

Reportedly, a woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady, who was blind.

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind lady said,
"No thanks, but maybe Buddy
Would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:
[]
All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!
Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses !

People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes,
But they were trying to change airlines!

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