Four Moms in Therapy

[observer]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom, Ann, and said,
"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom, Joyce..
"Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Mrs. Smith, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner

[retired2]

Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton
die on the same day and they both go
before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular
reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of
Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.

Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,


A Royal Flush


Beats a Pair -
No Matter How Big They Are.

[retired2]

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance
speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author Unknown

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar
Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us,
I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign
speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically,
by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald
Reagan

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson

Don't vote, it only encourages them. ~Author Unknown

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

[retired2]

HELP WANTED

Lemon Pickers Wanted !!


The woman from Canada applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this:
"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!

"I've been divorced three times, owned 3 Fords, rooted for the Maple Leafs, and I voted for McGuinty.

[albert1]

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