Testicle Therapy
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Testicle Therapy
by retired2 Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:04 am
Testicle Therapy
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole..
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize.. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
According to scoops this is also false[b]
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole..
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize.. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
According to scoops this is also false[b]
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Testicle Therapy
by retired2 Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:47 pm
Thought you gardeners would enjoy this conversation between God and St. Francis. It is funny because it is so true.
GOD:
Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started aeons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there Lord.. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies birds and bees only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST.. FRANCIS:
Apparently not Lord. As soon as it grows a little they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No Sir just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down Lord.. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber' Lord.. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
According to scoops this is true
GOD:
Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started aeons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there Lord.. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies birds and bees only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST.. FRANCIS:
Apparently not Lord. As soon as it grows a little they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No Sir just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down Lord.. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber' Lord.. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
According to scoops this is true
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Testicle Therapy
by retired2 Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:48 pm
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time.
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said to me...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him. . .. A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed???.Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge
According to scoops this is true
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Testicle Therapy
by retired2 Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:50 pm
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
According to scoops this is also false
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
According to scoops this is also false
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: Testicle Therapy
by observer Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:12 pm
That blonde joke is really quite funny! Love it! (No offense to blondes - I've been one for about 25 years now! LOL)
observer- The Watchful Eye
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Join date : 2012-02-24
Location : Delhi
Re: Testicle Therapy
by kishgo Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:44 pm
I always tell my hubby he has to be careful.....I am blonde now but my roots are dark!
kishgo- Record Breaker
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Join date : 2012-02-24
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Re: Testicle Therapy
by growler Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:10 pm
they get like that from the grey stuff they are planted above !
growler- Complaints Department
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