automobile accident!

by retired2 Thu Sep 06, 2012 3:58 pm

Voice mail car Accident,,,, Hilarious

Hope this makes your day, it sure made mine.

Are you ready for the best laugh of the day?

Just listen to this voice mail account of an automobile accident!

This is a answering machine or voice mail recording that is really a description of poetic justice
and happens to be quite funny.

This man should have been a sports commentator. Oh this is great.

http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=2998

by retired2 Thu Sep 06, 2012 4:00 pm

I wish every day was this peaceful .....

Beautiful pictures of a train ride Floyd Cramer at the piano.
Just wait for the pictures to come on and have your sound on.

Click on the Link below...

http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/Train%20Ride.swf

by retired2 Thu Sep 06, 2012 4:30 pm

When I opened this, it made my day.. Hope it does the same for you......

God Saw you hungry & created
McDonalds, Wendys, and Dairy Queen.

He saw you thirsty & created Coke,
Juice, Coffee and Water.

GOD saw you in the dark & created Light.

GOD saw you without a
Good looking, adorable,
FRIEND.........

so He created ME

by retired2 Thu Sep 06, 2012 4:31 pm

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.

by retired2 Thu Sep 06, 2012 4:36 pm

A friend tells the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".
The blond says, "let's hope it's not the 13th"

Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A woman phones her blonde neighbor and says "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even home yesterday."

A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope, "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart."
"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde is driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

A blonde's dog goes missing, and she is frantic. Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asked.
She replies "Here boy!"

A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck", the guard says.
"I know" he replies, " but then I couldn't breathe."

An Italian tourist asks a blonde "Why do American scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat".