Finally, a good gun story

[retired2]

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his un-holstered pistol and
yelled, "I have a .45 Colt with an eight shot clip and I want to know
who's been sleeping with my wife."

A voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"

[retired2]

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.

"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says;

"Well, maybe that's a good thing, you know, ..a little peace and quiet ? "

"Yeah. But today is the last day!"

[retired2]

My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.

The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.

Finally I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."

[retired2]

Yes, Life is good!

Seenager

I am a Seenager (Senior teenager) and think you /*may*/be also.
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance (OAP/CPP).
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s licence and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the Beer Store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
Life is great.

[retired2]

A virile, middle-aged
Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite
bar in Rome when he
managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point
where he invited her back to his
apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his
bedroom where he
rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude
he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused
for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for
her and the rattling resumed. This time
she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of
passion.

The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after
a short pause, she returns
his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says,
"No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied.
Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his
strength, he barely
manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking,
clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back,
gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her
eyes, smiles proudly
and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to
speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear ... "No,
I'm Norwegian."






The same boiling water that
softens the potato hardens the egg. It's
not about the circumstances, but rather what you are made
of.

[retired2]

The Frog and The Golfer



THIS IS HILARIOUS!



A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.



He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.



He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

Ribbit 9 Iron.'




The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.




Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'




He looks at the frog and decides to
Prove the frog wrong, puts the
Club away, and grabs a 9 iron.



Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.





He is shocked.




He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing.





You must be a lucky frog, eh?



The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.'





The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.



'What do you think frog?'

​



'Ribbit 3 wood.'



The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one.





The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.




By the end of the day, the man golfed the Best game of golf in his life

and asks the frog,





'OK where to next?'


The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas .

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,

'OK frog, now What?'






The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'





Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,

"What do you think I should Bet?"



The frog replies,






'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'



Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man
figures what the heck.



Boom!





Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.



The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.

He sits the frog down and Says,





'Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'



The frog replies, 'Ribbit Kiss Me.'

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him .

He deserves it.



With a kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.





'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.






So help me God
Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

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