pastor's wife

[retired2]

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me?"



The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees. After the services, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor... "My friend is screwing your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."



The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says... "You’d better hurry home now. My wife died five years ago."

[retired2]

The Pope and Kathleen Wynn are on the same stage in Air Canada Centre
in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Wynn and said, "Do you know that with one
little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild
with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their
hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Wynn replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your
hand?.... Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded her and knocked her off the stage and the
crowd cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[retired2]

Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him.

The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Bob asked.



"I've been transferred to Detroit - I've heard the people are crazy there.

They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."



Bob replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says.

Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school.

It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."



The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death.

But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it.

What do you do for a living?"



"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

[retired2]

http://yougottobekidding.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/image090.jpg


IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA..............


ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.


HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,


"THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.


BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."


MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.


HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..


OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST


SMILED.


ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT


Mr. Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG.


THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED,SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.





HERE IS THE ANSWER TO


"WHO WAS MR. GORSKY":


IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.


HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.


AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,


"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"


It broke the place up. NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

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