Hunting on Sunday

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Hunting on Sunday


I had everything planned and had told my wife I would not be going to church with her on Sunday.

My wife reminded me that Sunday was the Sabbath Day and hunting a trophy buck should not be part of the Sabbath.



However.....

1.  I had scouted the area all summer.

2.  I had searched out the best location for my tree-stand.

3.  I set everything up a month ahead of time.

4.  I trailed the herd.

5.  I had picked out a trophy buck.

6.  Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of the hunt.

7.  Everything was in place.

8.  Sunday morning, I woke up at 2 am., put on my camo, loaded my pack, set out for my stand.

9.  This was destined to be an epic hunt.



As I approached my deer stand I stopped, called my wife and told her I had decided not to hunt on the Sabbath and would meet her at church after all.



The Sunday sermon was entitled:   "The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways".

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An oldie
>>
>> An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
>> stay of execution.
>> His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
>> feeling worn out and depressed...
>> As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
>> about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this?
>>
>> Where have you been?
>> Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it.'
>> And on and on and on.
>> Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
>> himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
>> bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged
>> himself up the stairs.
>>
>> While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
>> The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright,
>> had been granted a stay of execution after all.
>> Wright would not be hanged tonight.
>> Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
>> upstairs and give him the good news.
>>
>> As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
>> husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
>> 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
>>
>> He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER
>> STOP COMPLAINING?!'

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Irish Miracles



Murphy drops a slice buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands
butter-side-up.

He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature
of the universe
that buttered toast always falls butter-down.

So he rushes round to the church to fetch Father Flanagan.

He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.

He won't say what it is, so he asks Father Flanagan to come and see it
with his own eyes.

He leads Father Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on
the floor.

"Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some
buttered toast on
the floor and then they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."

"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy

"Oh my Lord," says Father Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the
butter side up.

It must be miracle.

Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle.
I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal
with it.
He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc."

After 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the
final ruling.

"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in
Murphy's kitchen,
Quite outside the natural laws of the universe.

Yet the Holy Ones must be very cautious before ruling a miracle.
All other explanations must be ruled out.

Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared that it is 'No
Miracle'

They think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side.

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This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare.
At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare."


So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy,
Can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are.
They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.


So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My dogs get their first cheques on Friday.

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