ATHEIST HOLY DAY
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ATHEIST HOLY DAY
by retired2 Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:38 pm
A FLORIDA COURT SETS
ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying,
"Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.
The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said," Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool's Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore,
April 1st is his day.
Court is adjourned..."
You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
------------------------------------------------------------------
At the bar...
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a Member of Parliament too. What riding are you from?"
===========================================
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.
Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying,
"Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.
The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said," Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool's Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore,
April 1st is his day.
Court is adjourned..."
You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
------------------------------------------------------------------
At the bar...
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a Member of Parliament too. What riding are you from?"
===========================================
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.
Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: ATHEIST HOLY DAY
by retired2 Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:30 pm
A man is showering up in a locker room
with his buddy when he notices his friend
is very well endowed.
'Damn, Wild Bill , you're hung!' Larry exclaims.
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to
work for it.'
'What do you mean?' Larry asked.
'Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
with butter. I know it sounds crazy but
it actually made it grow 4 inches! You
should try it.
Larry agrees and the two depart.
A few months later the two are back in the
same locker room and Wild Bill asks Larry
how his situation was.
Larry replied, 'I did what you said, Wild Bill,
but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost
two inches already!'
'Did you do everything I told you? An
hour each day with butter?'
'Well, we don't use butter, so I've
been using Crisco.'
'Crisco!!' Wild Bill exclaimed.
(Are you sure you want to see how this ends??
Are you sure??
OK......)
'Damn it, Larry,
Crisco is shortening!'
with his buddy when he notices his friend
is very well endowed.
'Damn, Wild Bill , you're hung!' Larry exclaims.
'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to
work for it.'
'What do you mean?' Larry asked.
'Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
with butter. I know it sounds crazy but
it actually made it grow 4 inches! You
should try it.
Larry agrees and the two depart.
A few months later the two are back in the
same locker room and Wild Bill asks Larry
how his situation was.
Larry replied, 'I did what you said, Wild Bill,
but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost
two inches already!'
'Did you do everything I told you? An
hour each day with butter?'
'Well, we don't use butter, so I've
been using Crisco.'
'Crisco!!' Wild Bill exclaimed.
(Are you sure you want to see how this ends??
Are you sure??
OK......)
'Damn it, Larry,
Crisco is shortening!'
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Rick Wisson- Posts : 1039
Join date : 2012-02-24
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