CHURCH SQUIRRELS

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CHURCH SQUIRRELS

I don't care who you are, this is funny!

mailto:nanarosemary@hotmail.com
There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church ,

The Methodist Church ,

The Catholic Church

and

The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.




In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.


But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.




Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest
man
around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender
would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to
a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the
money.

Many people had tried.... over time: weightlifters, longshoremen,
etc.,
but nobody could do it.

One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing
thick
glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd
like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK";
grabbed the
lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of
the
rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter turned to
total silence....
as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six
drops fell
into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the
little
man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
weight-lifter, or what?"

The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for Revenue Canada

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Eugene, a furniture dealer from St. John's Newfoundland, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.


After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.


As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.


Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Eugene couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.


He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.


After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.

She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.


After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.


They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance.


They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.


Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.



To this day, Eugene,the Newfie, has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!

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