DILEMMA

[retired2]

DILEMMA
-one friend said to the other: what is a dilemma, actually?


-he replied: well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.


Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful young woman on one side and a gay man on the other.


Who are you going to turn your back on?

[retired2]

Three Hillbillies are sittin on a porch shootin' the breeze....

1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. '

2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?'

1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'

2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!'

1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?'

2nd Hillbilly says: 'Cause we ain't got no plummin!'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her
purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no pecker

[retired2]

Grandma's Oranges

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.

Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed,
"Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck em' dry."

The policeman fainted.

[retired2]

New Job description - after I retire.



Someone once asked me, what is your next job?"



I replied, “I am my wife's sexual advisor."







Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon,



but what do you mean by that?"


"Very simple. The wife has made it abundantly clear that when she wants my f*****g advice, she'll ask me for it.

[retired2]

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, " They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care."

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