Love this Doctor!

[retired2]

Love this Doctor!
1.928473182@web39306.mail.mud.yahoo.com
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one..

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians..

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[kishgo]

[growler]

[retired2]

The value of a Catholic education and a pencil.


ATT00004 4.gif


Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School .
Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep..

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted,

'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in Half!'

The nun fainted !

[retired2]

An Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. It tasted unpleasant.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist, pulling a face.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

[retired2]

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,

"I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures

her that they have a large election of pink curtains.
...
She selects a lovely pink floral print. The

salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly

replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That

sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that

they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor. The

surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............ . I've got Windoooooows!"

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