"What day is tomorrow?.

[retired2]

I was eating breakfast with my 12-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?."

She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid, so I asked "What does President's Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of Bullshit."

You know, It hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

[retired2]

Only an Aussie could pull this one off ! A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland ...

Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening.
The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles..
The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). T
hen flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary
for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.
The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car,
put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station -
this breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"...

[retired2]

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians!!

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!


Need new teeth? No problem. Need new glasses? No problem. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a nursing home.

And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at it. Just look how happy Mary is in the photo!

The best part of this program… now that you're a prisoner, you don't have to pay any taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?

[retired2]

Your Role Model! This is fun.
I promise you WILL laugh when you find your role model.
NO CHEATING.
I was really surprised to find out who my role model was.


FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL . DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET, DO THE SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR HERO.


It's CRAZY how accurate this is!
No peeking!!
1) Pick your favourite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3
4) Then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator.....)
5) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.....
6) Add the digits together





Now Scroll down .................



With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Stephen Harper
2. Beverly Oda
3. Margaret Atwood
4. Barack Obama
5. Steve Paikin
6. Lady Gaga
7. Charlie Sheen
8. Bon Jovi
9. Retired2
I know, I know....I just have that effect on people. One day, you too can be like me.


P.S. Stop picking different numbers!!
I AM YOUR Role Model, DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

[kishgo]

There are only two days in my week. One is Saturday and the other is Sunday. Coincidentally, tomorrow is Saturday!

[growler]

There are only two days in my week. One is Saturday and the other is Sunday. Coincidentally, tomorrow is Saturday!

your wrong there kish,to-morrow is sunday !

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