The Blondes are back...

[retired2]

The Blondes are back...


*DISNEYLAND *

*Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were
driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign
that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and
turned around and went home.*

*FLORIDA OR MOON*
*Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a
bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or
the moon?' The other blonde turns and says
'Helloooooo, can you see Florida?'*




*CAR TROUBLE*
*A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She
tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it
for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.*
*She says, 'What's the story?'*
*He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'*
*She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'*




*SPEEDING TICKET*
*A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.*
*She replied in a huff,*
*'I wish you guys would get your act together.*
*Just yesterday you take my license away, and now
today you expect me to show it to you?'*




*AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE*
*A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's
office and said that her body hurt wherever she
touched it.*
*'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'*
*The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left
shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow
and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and
screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.*
*The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead,
are you?*
*'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'*
*'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is
broken.'*




*KNITTING*
*A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding
car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel
was knitting/!/*
*Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his
window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL
OVER!'*
*'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'*




*BLONDE ON TIME*
*A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were.*
*The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.*
*Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?' 'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the
blonde. 'They're watch dogs'*




*IN A VACUUM*
*A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.*
*It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she
landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then
asked, 'Is it on or off?'*




*FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!*




*In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last
competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to
the judges that “all the other girls were using
their arms.”*

[retired2]

The importance of an occupation after retirement...

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Schlumberg is such a person:



THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:

"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?' Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine.

It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."

Harold is an inspiration to us all.

[retired2]

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish in western Newfoundland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.



One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says:



"THE END IS NEAR.

TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."



As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,



"Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."



From around the next curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.



Shaking his head, Father Patrick says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."



"Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say





"BRIDGE CLOSED"?

[observer]

Love the sign joke!!!

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