Wish list

[retired2]

Wish list
>> Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
>> minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
>> Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.  We haven't met yet!
>> The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about!
>> I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
>> I don't need anger management.  I need people to stop pissing me off!
>> Old age is coming at a really bad time!
>> When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a
>> grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
>> The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down,
>> I'll remember it."
>> Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
>> courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when
>> I finally snap!
>> I don't have gray hair.  I have "wisdom highlights".  I'm just very wise.
>> My people skills are just fine.  It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
>> Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just
>> a piece of paper.
>> If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
>> The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.  I text back "no"
>> which is shorter than "yes".
>> I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
>> I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.  Not sure what I'll do
>> that second week.
>> When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?
>> I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
>> Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
>> Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer
>> me to someone I can't understand anyway?
>> Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
>> Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
>> Oops!  Did I roll my eyes out loud?
>> At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
>> what I came in there for.
>> Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... That makes it a plant
>> which means ... chocolate is Salad.