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Good Morning  !!!!! Empty Good Morning !!!!!

Post by retired2 Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:24 am


Good Morning !!!!!

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend
is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



Keep reading-they get better!!!




WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'



LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


KEEP ON READING .


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they
passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.


WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to
repeat everything to men....

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'



KEEP ON GOING.


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,


and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and
besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'



YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


KEEP ON SCROLLING DOWN...



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
retired2
retired2
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Post by retired2 Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:26 am

I am a history buff and I found it fascinating to learn how the word Olympics had evolved over 2,500 years.
A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece ..

In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

"OH!! Limp pr*cks!"

Over the next two and a half millenniums that morphed into "Olympics."

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.
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Post by retired2 Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:28 am

"little Johnny"









The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.



Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad ’ s farm , and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating”.


The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate, not fascinating”.



Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated”. The teacher said,



“Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate”.



Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.
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Post by retired2 Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:40 pm



A Regional Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car,

In lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman

In the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?

The cop asks: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: 'And, her, what is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

Now, the police officer is totally confused. A young couple, alone, In a car, at night in a lover's lane and nothing obscene is

Happening! The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

The cop then asks: 'And her, what's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.'
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