texting

[retired2]

[retired2]

Oh Baby
The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . .well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man-- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes; yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes; yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

[retired2]

Romantic plans
Mr. Jones, who had been away on an extended trip, had very romantic plans for his first night home. He said them to his wife, who promptly said, "Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but I've got to do all of this laundry. Another time, please."

The next night Jones tried again, and his wife said, "Oh my, I would like to dear, but it wouldn't be any good. I've got this terrible headache. Please give me a rain check."

By the third night, Jones was rather impatient.

"How about it?" he said urgently.

Mrs. Jones snapped back, "This is the third night in a row you've asked. What are you? Some kind of a sex maniac?"

[retired2]

What's happening in the bedroom
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."

[retired2]

Love dress
A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"

[retired2]

Close shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

[Ruby Tuesday]

Yuck!

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