Your laugh for the day!

[retired2]

Your laugh for the day!

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy
boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought
them and wore them home.
...
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret, age 75, looked him over.
"Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back
into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert,
what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be
hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled,
"AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert!
Shoulda bought a hat."

[retired2]

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
"David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says....

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.

"His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with new found pride."David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."-

[retired2]

Hello friends....an oldie, but a goodie. enjoy.



How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

Clean jokes are funny! ENJOY!





A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter



"What are you doing?"
She asked.



"Hunting Flies"
He responded.



"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.



"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.





Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

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