CATHOLIC HORSES

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CATHOLIC HORSES

A gambler was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.



Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The gambler made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.



He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

He bet big on it, and it won.

As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The gambler was elated.

He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings,

And awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on .

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race

And blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

The gambler knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last.

In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened?

All day long you blessed horses and they all won.

Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile.

Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'.

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.



'My Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants,
You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'

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There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL) .

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.


SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

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Washing Dishes with Coldwater



Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan .


After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.


However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,

'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied,

'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'


For lunch the old man made hamburgers.


Again, John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,

'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said,

'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.


Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!

'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'

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