two Catholic boys

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There were two
Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose
lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same
year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was
born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended
parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year
in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood
early in college, and upon graduation, became
priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world,
but it was generally
acknowledged that Antonio Secola was
just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all
respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop,
Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least
and the Catholic world knew
that when the present Pope
died, it would be one of the two who would become the next
Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of
Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had
expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world
waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world,
Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn
that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio
Secola was beyond surprise. He was
devastated,because even with all
of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better
qualified.

With gall that shocked the Cardinals,
Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in
which he candidly asked:"Why Timothy ?"

After a long
silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and
rose to reply.

"We knew you were the better of the
two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of
the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA !

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SMART ASS ANSWER #6



It was mealtime during an airline flight.

'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.



SMART ASS ANSWER #5



A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'



SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.

The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly...

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

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BEWARE --MATURE CONTENT

Across Germany 's northern-most border with Denmark you'll find an incredible superstore called Fleggaard. There, you can buy everything you need: tubs of Gummi bears, cases of wine, industrial strength dishwashing detergent, etc., at prices 30% cheaper than you'll find in Denmark . It is Denmark 's Costco, packaged as a German loophole. This is one of their advertisements! The 100+ women do stunts in the air, while free-falling, and holding hands to spell out "Half-off on Washing Machines at Fleggaard."You'd be hard-pressed to find a man in Denmark who hasn't seen, and fallen in love, with this commercial, which is good since it was geared strictly to men. The ad is real! Below is the link to simply the best commercial ever made. Watch for the blonde!

http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf

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