GOT to love the Irish...

[retired2]

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------


Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------


Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off.
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the feckin' dark!" says Murphy.

\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".


\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"


\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------



Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. Prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------





Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"


\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------


Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

\\\|///
(o o)
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------



Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

[retired2]

A Canadian psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Little Willy from school and go get dinner."

[retired2]

[Rick Wisson]

Some how I think I worked with Paddy on some jobs I had in the past.

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