HOSPITAL BILL

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HOSPITAL BILL Description:You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!
Description:
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerkcalled 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law." ,_

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Farmer's Birth Control

There were these three girls who were getting married and they all met at the
marriage counsellor’s office to discuss the options of having or not
having a baby right away.
They were two city girls and one farm girl. The counsellor asked them if
they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.
They all said that they had discussed this with their potential
husbands and had all agreed to wait awhile. Well, the counsellor asked the
first girl what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer
was, “The rhythm method”. “That will work,” said the counsellor, “but only if
you keep a good record.”
He asked the second girl what system she planned on using. “I plan on
using birth control pills” she said. Again he said, “Yes that will
work as long as you don 't forget to take them”.
He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her
answer was, “The bucket and saucer method.” After a short delay, he
told her that should also work. He asked them all to come back in one
year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.
They all met again one year later and the two city girls were pregnant.
Only the farm girl was still slim and trim. Well, the counsellor asked the
first girl what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, “I
used the rhythm method but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well
here I am, going to have a baby.”'
He asked the second city girl what method she used and she replied, “The birth control pill . But we were camping one weekend and I didn't
have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.”
He turns to the farm girl. “I vaguely remember you were going to use
the bucket and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don 't have a clue
what the bucket and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see
it has worked well for you.”
She replied, “Well, we always make love standing up, and since I am quite a
bit taller than my husband, he stands on a bucket turned upside down.
Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as
big as saucers .....
“I kick the bucket out from under him”.

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Drinkin and Drivin in Newfoundland . . . . .

Two Newfies, Archie and Harry, were driving down the road drinking
a couple of beers.

The passenger, Harry, suddenly said,'Lord tundering... up ahead -- it's
a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' dese here
beers!!'

'Don't worry,' Archie said. 'We'll just pull over and finish dese beers,
then peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads, and trow the bottles
under the seat.'

'What fer?'

'Jist let me do de talkin', OK?'

So they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a
label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the police officer took a long look at
the two of them and said, 'You boys been drinkin'?'

'No sir,' said Archie, pointing at the labels. 'We're on the patch.'

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