RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE

[retired2]

As a member of the Senior Set, I thought you might like this,









RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!
1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

[retired2]

At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.

Someone had to remind me,
So I'm reminding you, too.
Don't laugh.... It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50
Or being over 60
And heading towards
70 or beyond!

1.
Kidnappers are not very
Interested in you.

2.
In a hostage situation,
You are likely to be released first.

3.
No one expects you to run --
Anywhere.

4.
People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask,
'Did I wake you?'

5.
People no longer view you as a
Hypochondriac.

6.
There is nothing left
To learn the hard way.

7.
Things you buy now will
Never wear out.

8.
You can eat
Supper at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex
But not your glasses.

10.
You get into heated arguments
About pension plans.

11.
You no longer think of speed limits
As a challenge.

12.
You quit trying to hold
Your stomach in no matter who walks
Into the room.

13.
You sing along
With elevator music.

14.
Your eyes won't get
Much worse.

15.
Your investment in health insurance
Is finally beginning to pay off.

16.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists
Than the national weather service.

17.
Your secrets are safe with your friends
Because they can't remember them either.

18.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to
A manageable size.

19.
You can't remember
Who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all
In big print
For your convenience.

Forward this to everyone
You can remember
Right now!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Never, NEVER, NEVER ,
Under any circumstances,
Take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on
The same night!

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