Should I Really Join Facebook?

[retired2]

Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)

Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!!

A good laugh for people in the over 50 group !!!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1,800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple

as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting World.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.

I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library.

I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my

hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer.

It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light.

Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship..
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking

bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?"

I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual."

Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."

P.S. I know some of you are not over 50. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.
We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets.

The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.

[retired2]

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' '

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it
under your Robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.

Next please!

[retired2]

The Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart


A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

















Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something . .

[retired2]

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend,
is the definition of 'OLD'!
~ ~ ~
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
~ ~ ~
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied,
'No peer pressure.'
~ ~ ~
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my Florida driver's license.
~ ~ ~
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
~ ~ ~
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'
~ ~ ~
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
~ ~ ~
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~ ~ ~
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
~ ~ ~
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
~ ~ ~
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
~ ~ ~
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
~ ~ ~
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

[retired2]

Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Maggie - put your hat and coat on, lassie.'
She replied, 'Aw Jock that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'
'Nay, Jock replied, I'm switching the heater off while I'm out.'

[Sponsored content]