Financial planning

[retired2]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.. One evening at an
investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[retired2]

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I'm now almost 60.



A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor? 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?' 'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said.. 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

[retired2]

Husbands and Wives - unbeatable

This I understand I think - S

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one

carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.



A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.



The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"



He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get

it the first time.

My work is done here.

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Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.

Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"

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THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN

RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

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HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought

with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with

you.

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Today's Short Reading from the Bible.....

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be

found in all corners of the earth."

Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

[Rick Wisson]

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and – WHACK -- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The idiot says, "That was a karate chop from Korea ." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden – WHACK -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan ." So the little guy has had enough of this. He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and – Bong -- bangs the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that is a crowbar from Sears."

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