Scottish blood

[retired2]

An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Laura Secord chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

[retired2]

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Fortune-Teller delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, she just stared at the Fortune-Teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked,









"Will I be acquitted?

[retired2]

World-wide Telephone survey...

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

8. In Canada, they all hung up as soon as they heard the East Indian
accent.

[kishgo]

Love the first joke. I'm married to a Scot, a senior, male, retired and an accountant. WHAT was I thinking????
(Oh, yes, now I remember, it was love )

[growler]

[retired2]

A Scottish woman went to the local newspaper office to publish the obituary for her recently deceased husband.

The obit editor informed her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.

She paused, reflected, and then said, "Well then, let it read, "Angus MacPherson died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor told her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.

She thought it over and in a few seconds said, "In that case, let it read.......



"Angus MacPherson died." Golf clubs for sale.

[kishgo]

[gale force]

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