New Seat Belt Law

[retired2]

New Seat Belt Law

This becomes effective November1, 2012.

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.

Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
when the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below.......

Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

[retired2]

Kevin had shingles.Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?





Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had...
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

[retired2]

I FEEL BETTER.
IT'S THE DARNED DOOR---IT'S NOT MY FAULT AT ALL.

From the Sept. edition of Reader's Digest: "Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale."

It's not aging, it's the door!
Whew!
Thank goodness for studies!!!

[retired2]

Cold Winter Ahead

Its late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in
Mattawa asked their new chief if the coming winter was
going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never
been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the
sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be
like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe
that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the
members of the village should collect firewood to be
prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got
an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the
Weather Network and asked, 'Is the coming winter
going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to
collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the Weather Network again.
'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold
winter?'

'Yes,' the man at Weather Service again replied, 'it's
going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered
them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the Weather Network
again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going
to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and
more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters
we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Because the Indians are
collecting a shitload of firewood'

[retired2]

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.



You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN..


You may say 'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'






Answer:






A FUNERAL PARLOUR.


(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!

= God Bless Scotland =

[retired2]

You need a sense of humor to work in
a nursing home ~ that is for sure.

MY PRIVATE PART DIED


An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong. 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

(You've gotta love this.)



'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[retired2]

Happy Hour in Newfoundland



A Newfoundlander is driving down a back road in St.Johns.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:


HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer


'Lord tunderin' jaysus' he says to himself,'me 3 favorite tings!'

[Rick Wisson]

I sure like the cold weather ahead . Get a chuckle every time I read this.

[retired2]

.. this shows you how to calculate the difference between the unemployed and the out of work.........





COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a politician.

[growler]

oh boy now i'm no longer looking for work so i'm not unemployed,i just don't have any work to do !
i think ?

[Sponsored content]