THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND

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HOW DID I LIVE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING THIS?

THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND

I'll bet you never knew this!!!

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony:-

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each the men.

She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects.

(This keeps them off his face during the ceremony)

A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the center of the circle.

As soon as all the men become fully aroused and develop erections, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees, pull the fully erected penises downwards as much as they can and then on a given signal from the centre dancer release them.

The men's penises would then spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their belly buttons.

This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .the man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.

And that folk's is why the current capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok.

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Two Glasgow boys, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.
‘Ach, it’s all going like magic,’ says Jock. ‘I’ve got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night…’
Archie nods approvingly.
‘Hell, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continues Jock.
‘A kilt?’ exclaims Archie, ‘That’s grand, you’ll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartan?’
‘Ach,’ says Jock, ‘I’d imagine she’ll be in white.’

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When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling
to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your
brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for
the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

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After bypass surgery, a patient says to his doctor, "Can I start having sex?"


The doctor replies, "Yes, but only with your Wife. Your heart is not yet ready for any excitement!!!"

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A couple of Norfolk County hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

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