burn off calories

[retired2]

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

[retired2]

Only in Canada you say

A cheaper health care plan...

You ask for Viagra and they give you
a Popsicle stick and Duct tape

[retired2]

SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:


" Marion .... Marion "


"Is that you, Bob?"


"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."


"That's wonderful! What's it like?"


"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"


"No -- I'm a rabbit in Florida” .

[retired2]

An elderly Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied for membership at a local golf club.

About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected.

He went to the club to inquire as to why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, sir, my name is MacTavish.

Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?

Scot: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.

Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, and neither do I.

Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam
room?

Scot: Aye, I also do the same.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel
comfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privates are different from theirs.

Scot: Ach, away with ya. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.

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