QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton

[retired2]

 Heaven
QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. 
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. 
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. 
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. 
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. 
The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in". 
Dolly is outraged and asked,"What was that all about, I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me"?
"Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".

[retired2]

An old man goes to the wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says, without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"