Pub problem

[retired2]

Pub problem



I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few...
I noticed two quite large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said ..., "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland?"
That's the last thing I remember.

[retired2]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Linda I went into town and visited a shop.



When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.



We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an “asshole”. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.



So Linda called him a “shit head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now--it's important at our age

[retired2]

Four Worms in Church
(Four worms and a lesson to be learned !!!)

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol ... Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead.

The third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead.

The fourth worm in good, clean soil ... Alive .

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said,
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"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service !!

[retired2]

[retired2]

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually '

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

[retired2]

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