******MOREPOWER OUTAGE******

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Bulletin

Toronto Hydro is warning customers of the rotating winter power blackouts that are expected to occur on:




Saturday, Jan 31, 2015

Saturday, Feb 7, 2015

Monday, Feb 10, 2015

Monday, Feb 17, 2015
Saturday, Feb 14, 2015
Saturday, Feb 21, 2015



This is a province wide alert. The lack of power seems to consistently occur just after 7 pm on Saturday or 7:30 pm weekdays and is attributed to the excessive power required to run the goal light behind the Leafs' net.


Sincerely Yours,

Toronto Hydro

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THE DUCK AND THE LAWYER




A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's balls and dropped him to his knees!




His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

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WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man who smelled of
beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.


The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty
bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes
arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,

too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said,

nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.

I was just reading here that the Pope does."

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corrective surgery


When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was is wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly 20 inches.
Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an examination, the doc explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralphs condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

How long will Ralph be on crutches??, the wife asked anxiously. " Crutches?" Why would he need crutches?,responed the surprised doctor.
"Well", said the wife coldly,"You ARE planning to lengthen
Ralph's legs aren't you.

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