British humour ...

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[Rick Wisson]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10154636606720713

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Thanks Rick

[Rick Wisson]

Lena was pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes up Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat Great! ' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet! ' The doctor den held up a little girl.. He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter! ' She's a pretty little ting, too.' Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!' Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three Children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena , 'How come we got tree on the first try?' Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and You vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?' Ole said, 'Yeah, I do... Uffda! It's a darn good ting I didn't get the WD-40...!!!!

[Rick Wisson]

On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted on having a room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the sea. On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie. "Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time," she said coyly. "No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said. So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Daisy grew tired of waiting, so she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep. In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony. "Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?" she asked. "Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life -- and I didn't want to miss a moment of it."

[Rick Wisson]

A suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold. When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven. Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!” The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?” And Allah replied, “Who said anything about women?”

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