COLD WEATHER AWARENESS

[retired2]

COLD WEATHER AWARENESS




Just a little reminder.
Please remember that, in cold weather, animals seek out the heat of vehicles to stay warm.



Before starting your car, please check around the wheels and engine for these cold animals.


You may not even notice they are there.

[retired2]

Lexophiles





.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

[retired2]

                     Just had to send this......................
                 

                  Husband says to wife, "My Olympic c0nd0ms have arrived
                   ... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."
                     

                   Wife says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change."

[retired2]

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied:

"Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

[Rick Wisson]

That's good that you covered both sexes in the last two jokes ,no one can claim discrimination .

[retired2]

A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex.

Husband: "Sukitaki."

Wife replies: "Kowanini!"

Husband says: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"

Husband replies angrily: "Na miaou kina tim kouji!"







I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this - as if you understand Japanese!

Unbelievable!

I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex.

You need help!

[retired2]

Your eHarmony Rejection Letter








My Dear Friend,

Your application to join our online dating agency has been REJECTED.

One of the questions we asked on the application was: 'What do you like most in a woman?'

'My dick' is not an appropriate answer.

Thank you for your interest

[retired2]

Only An Aussie Can Make You Feel Like A Woman !









A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.

No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.



She gasped...

Then, he spoke...


'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

[retired2]

[Sponsored content]