Polish Country Club Championship

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Zig and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club. They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and are tied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep valley descending to a dogleg right.

Both Zig and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down into the valley. A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of the hill and announces that both balls are within 6 inches of each other, but there's a problem. Both of the golf balls are Titleist # 4s.

Zig and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informed each other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number. They quickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titleist golf balls are right next to each other at the bottom of the valley in the middle of the fairway.

Stosh looks at Zig and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournament official to straighten this out. This is the Polish Country Club Championships and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake and hitting the wrong ball. After all, we are tied for the lead."

Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two # 4 Titleist golf balls. He then looks up at Zig and Stosh and asks,

"Which one of you is playing the orange ball?”

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A Newfoundland painter by the name of Skipper Drover, while not a
brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over the country were coming to him in
Long Harbour for his paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretched
limo and asked Skipper if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Skipper a bit perturbed.
The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact, she was
willing to pay up to $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Skipper asked the lady
to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Rose, his missus.

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, “T’would be me
pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus.
The wife says it’s okay. I’ll paint ya in da nude, but I have ta leave
me socks on so I have a place to wipe me
brushes”

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EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60


IF YOU'RE NOT OVER 60, PASS IT ON TO SOMEONE WHO IS!!!

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have
plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight
out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a
bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually try to get to where
you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your
arms straight for more than a full minute.

(I'm at this level).

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

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Men will be men...................

.
The pope was very ill, and nobody could cure him. The cardinals called in an old physician recommended to them. After an hour long examination, he comes up with a solution.

"I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news: The pope has
a rare testicular disorder. The good news: He can be cured.....with sex."

The cardinals, not happy with the cure, explain the situation to the pope.

"I'll agree to it," says the pope." But under four conditions."

The cardinals were shocked." What are the four conditions?" asks one.

"First, the girl must be blind, so she cannot see with whom she is having sex.

Second, she must be deaf, so she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.

And third, she must be dumb, so if she somehow figures out with whom
she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After a long pause, a cardinal asks, "And the fourth condition:"

"Big tits"

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Justin Trudeau was out jogging when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before his body guards could get to him, three kids pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyworld."

Trudeau said, "Not a problem, I'll take you there by helicopter, everyone uses that".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."


"I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!"

The third kid, which happened to be a Newfoundlander, said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!!"

Trudeau is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"

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