MAN, TALK ABOUT “A CLOSE SHAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!”

[retired2]

MAN, TALK ABOUT “A CLOSE SHAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!”



A Texan walked into a barbershop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."



The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.



The Texan said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."



She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."



The Texan said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."



She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

[retired2]

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. (Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing.)

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You are too old to start jumping out of airplanes!"

I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.



She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses!



This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."



"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."



The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.



Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

[retired2]

Definition of the word "coincidence"

A chicken farmer went to the local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne".
"What a coincidence"said the farmer, who added. "It is a special day for me...I'm celebrating".
"It is a special day for me too. I am also celebrating"said the woman.
"What a coincidence"said the farmer.
While they toasted, the man asked. "What are you celebrating"?
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant".
"What a coincidence",said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
"This is awesome"said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"
"I used a different rooster", the farmer said.
The woman smiled and said. "What a coincidence."

[retired2]

Paddy texts his wife...

“Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads.
If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.”

[Rick Wisson]

Paddy is a ok guy.

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