****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS******
Page 1 of 1
****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS******
by retired2 Sat Jan 04, 2014 8:17 pm
****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS******
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Life just gets better as you get older doesn’t it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me….
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod …….. and how was your day?
This is what happens when old people start using technology!
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Life just gets better as you get older doesn’t it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me….
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod …….. and how was your day?
This is what happens when old people start using technology!
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
Re: ****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS******
by retired2 Sat Jan 04, 2014 8:20 pm
The Importance of walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
***********************************
I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
***************************************************
I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately my stomach covers them.
********************************************
The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
**************************************
I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,......
Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
**************************************
Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
***********************************
I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
***************************************************
I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately my stomach covers them.
********************************************
The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
**************************************
I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,......
Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
**************************************
Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
retired2- Bonfire Tilter
- Posts : 5986
Join date : 2012-02-24
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