"Hang in there sunshine, you're special!"

[retired2]

"4 Worms In Church"
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis

to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . ... Dead .


The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead .





Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.





Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive …


So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"





Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,

you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!



Today is

International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...

Just as I've done.

"Hang in there sunshine, you're special!"

[retired2]

The absolute best Little Johnnie joke


Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from
the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little
Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so
much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said,
'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why,thank you,Johnnie.
Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnnie, 'coz he'd be f***ed if he needed glasses....'

[retired2]

Inner Peace

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on TV said to
have inner peace we should always finish things we start and we all could
use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd
started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of
Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, an a box a chocletz.
Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum U luvum.

[retired2]

For all of us who are seniors...

The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies, while



undergarments for old people are called Depends:

When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.

When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!

[retired2]

VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife ! That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary. She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

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