NEWFOUNDLANDER

by retired2 Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:59 pm

One thing about a Newfoundlander,
he will do anything to help someone!!!

NEWFOUNDLANDER
ON
THE JURY
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a Newfoundlander was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Newfie that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the Newfie"s home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The Newfie replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
================================
Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you can see, we're joined side by side at the hip.I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, boys"?
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
===================================
Body Building Advice for Old Guys

I was working out in the gym when I spotted a gorgeous young lady...

I asked the trainer who was near-by, "What machine should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked me up and down and said, "Try the ATM in the lobby."

=============================
Liverpool fun

A Liverpool girl goes to the welfare office to register for child
benefit.
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.
"Ten" replies the Liverpool girl,
"Ten?" says the welfare worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan,
Nathan and Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Liverpool girl, "It's great because if they are
out playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer
dinner's
ready!'
or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious
welfare worker.
"That's easy," says the Liverpool girl... "I just use their
surnames"

A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says
"I'll take that red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."

Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music - who
is driving?
A. The policeman..

Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Liverpool ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!