The mother-in-law

[retired2]

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found?
Yes, your daughter, my mary, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is unforgiveable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. mary would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation.

I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.






“I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she didn't receive your E-mail!"

[retired2]

Call the Vet!

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat,” agreed to look after her neighbors' male dog and house while they were away on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw.”
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.

[retired2]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into
a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said,
"I just thought you'd like to know that
your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough
Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said,
"Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can
create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait,
the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims,
"I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,

" Nothing, but you left your injun runnin’! "

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