Sweet Little Poem.

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Sweet Little Poem.
DA fart is a pleasant thing...
It gives the belly ease...
It warms the bed in winter...
And suffocates the fleas.




A fart can be quiet...
A fart can be loud...
Some leave a powerful...
Poisonous cloud




A fart can be short...
Or a fart can be long...
Some farts have been known...
To sound like a song.....




A fart can create...
A most curious medley...
A fart can be harmless...
Or silent...and deadly.




A fart might not smell...
While others are vile...
A fart may pass quickly...
Or linger a while...




A fart can occur...
In a number of places...
And leave everyone there...
With strange looks on their faces.



From wide-open prairie...
To small elevators...
A fart will find all of...
Us sooner or later.


But farts are all bad...
Is simply not true...
We must never forget...
Sweet old farts like you!


Kinda brings a tear to your eye...right?

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Report from Lake Woebegon



FAMOUS INVENTIONS
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later an Iowan invented the hole in it.

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down dere ysut for 50 cents."

THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'

SWIM COMPETITION
A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, 'I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der arms.'

VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the first Norwegian.
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'

BAR RIDDLE
A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota . While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner ... 'Look,' he said, 'let's have a game if you answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you can't, then you buy ME one, Okay?' 'Ya, dat sounds purty good,' said the Swede. The Indian said, 'My father and my mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?' The Swede scratched his head and finally said, 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It was ME,' chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks. Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, 'Sven,' he said, 'I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?' 'Fair enough,' said Sven. Okay....my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn't m y brudder, It vasn't my sister, Who vas it?' 'Search me, ' said Sven. 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.'

MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. 'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'
'How come?' asked Lars. 'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.

THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here,' he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?' asks Lena. 'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.’

HONEYMOON TRIP
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.' So Ole drove to Duluth.

ARRESTED
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria, Minnesota. The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.' 'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.' 'Is that right?' his policeman friend asked. 'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!' So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here.

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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything
was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the
pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he
opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is
so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all
her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she
is much older than I am. But its not only the passion....Dad she's
pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We
share a dream of having many more children... Stacy has opened my
eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be
growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I
know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy 's house. I
Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

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OLD TIMER'S HOSPITAL STAY Don't mess with old people............

I am a sick old man.

I was sick and in the hospital.

There was one nurse that just drove me crazy.

Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child.

She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,

'And how are we doing this morning',



Or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry ?'

I had had enough of this particular nurse.

One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bed side stand.

Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.

So you know where the juice went !



The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.

'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '

At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

The nurse fainted..........

I just smiled.

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An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.



One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.



All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.



At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.



This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said:



"Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."



"And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

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[Rick Wisson]

Thanks for the jokes.

[observer]

Particularly enjoyed Ole. Nice to know all sorts of nationalities can be joked about! LOL

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Yes some of them you can use almost any nationality.
Good job on facebook by the way. Bringing back some memories

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