A COWBOY TOMBSTONE

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 A COWBOY TOMBSTONE :
Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan , Utah .
He died not knowing that he would win the "Coolest Headstone" contest.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

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How to get to Heaven from Scotland

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they
understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my
money to the church, would that get me 
into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed
the garden and kept everything tidy, would
that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was 'No!' 

By now I was starting to smile.

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and
gave sweets to all the children and
loved my husband, would that get me
into heaven?"

Again, they all answered 'No!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.


I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

                                                   
A six year old boy shouted,


  "Yuv got tae be fukin' dead"


Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye ,don`t it...

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A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their mobile phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.
She texted:
 
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
 
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
 
I'm on the toilet. Please advise...
 

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You may have seen this before, but its certainly worth watching again.
Shortest Sermon Ever

The One Minute and 39 second sermon.www.youtube.com/embed/WGnEuGwvXqU?rel=0

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