local welfare office

[retired2]

A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of thesystem, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said..."Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well...But YOU started it."

[retired2]

LARD TUNDERIN' B'Y!

A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough Zoo.

While there, he saw a man with an elephant act.
The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age.

The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy.

The elephant stamped its foot 9 times.

"Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Oh yes", said the boy.



The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.
Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the

elephant could look at him and tell him his age.
The Newfie accepted the wager.

The elephant looked very closely at the skeptic, then turned around, raised his tail

and broke wind like you wouldn't believe.
Then he turned back around and stomped his foot twice.

The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried,



"Lard tunderin' Jaysus b'y....he's right!!!! I'm farty-two!"

[retired2]

Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With .25 Cal Pistol

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
The Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber:

The woman tells her story. “While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!”

She added further. “Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took…….the bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.”

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