One day in the future

[retired2]

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil..

"You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.

I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good,

...so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water.

Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and
over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,"

commented George ...

The devil opened a third door.

Through it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose.

Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said,

"Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

(This is priceless...)



"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[retired2]

A wife helps her man install a new computer.

Once it is completed, she tells him to select a a word that he'll always remember as his password.

As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink of his eye,
he selects a word.
He is annoyed with her reaction, when he selects: mypenis

As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria
The computer system had replied:
TOO SHORT - ACCESS DENIED!

[retired2]

I DIDN'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST, BUT HAVE FOUND THEM TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.


1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.


7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

[retired2]

Be careful what we might give our parents as gifts!!!!!

The dialogue is in German but you will get the drift.

www.snotr.com/video/8965/

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