Laws 2013

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Laws 2013

1. Law of Mechanical
Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of
Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of
Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random
Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

6.Variation
Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close
Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.Law of the
Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10.Law of
Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.Law of the Theater & Hockey
Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early,
never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Law of
Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical
Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical
Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Law of Physical
Appearance -If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Law of Public Speaking-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18.Law of Commercial Marketing
Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

19.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better..
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay
sick.

If you don't forward
this to your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew - and your butt will fall off. Really....
It's true . I heard it on the internet

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Wife's Diary

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing..' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster......





Husband's Diary:







A two-foot putt..........who the hell misses a two-foot putt.

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Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'

'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said..

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'

FORGET THE SHRINKS..
HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!
May your troubles be less, Your blessings be more,
And nothing but happiness come through your door!

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