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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:32 pm

Finally this age-old question is answered: Is giving birth more

painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?


Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy
getting kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong.


A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might
be nice to have another child."


You never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another
kick in the nuts."


Case closed.
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:33 pm


A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.





'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'










'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'


So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.




The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.



'No Kidding,' he said.




'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:34 pm


Wife - "Where the heck have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"

Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the
clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the
button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with
a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me
money. Of course I refuse it - Then she tells me she was headed to the
bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned
to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each
other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50
steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling
me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the
talking stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way
imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it
the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car,
and here I am. There. You wanted the truth....you got it."

Wife - "Bullshit. You played 36 holes, didn't you!"
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:35 pm

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"


The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.....
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 7:35 pm

The longer you've been married, the funnier this becomes!

An elderly married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back
and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You
already know how to fish!"
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:11 pm

A duck walks into a drugstore and orders a Chapstick. The clerk asks how are you paying. The duck replies .........."put on my bill"
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Post by retired2 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:12 pm

A visually impaired customer walks into a drugstore, grabs his seeing-eye-dog by the tail and swings the dog in a circular motion over his head. Concerned, the druggist drops everything and runs to to customer and asks "what are you doing?"

The customer replies, "nothing.....I'm just looking around"
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