DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

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DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS Empty DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

Post by retired2 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:00 pm

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS:
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.


Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'


Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
___________________________________________


A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'


The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
___________________________________________


'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'


'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all..'


'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.


The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'


The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
___________________________________________
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
___________________________________________


A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________


Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________


A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.


'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.


'What did he say,' asked the nurse.


'Oops!'
___________________________________________


While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.


'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'


'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'


He's still in intensive care.
___________________________________________


The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.


The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there
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Post by retired2 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:04 pm

A Blonde and a BMW - X8 Spor t...

A Blonde buys a new Automatic BMW X8 Sport.
While the car
drives perfectly well during the day, at
night the car just won't move at
all. She tries driving
the car at night for a week, but still
no luck.
She then furiously
calls the BMW
dealer and they send out
a technician to her.
The technician asks "Madam,
are you sure you are
using the right gears?"
Full of anger she replies:

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS Mailat10

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS 2z8xpjs



"You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question,
I'm not stupid!!I use "D' for Day and "N" for Night


Last edited by retired2 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 2:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by retired2 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:06 pm

During a lady's medical examination, the doctors says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you

ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her clothes but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Please don't remove your clothes... just show me your tongue!"
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