training the child early !

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Post by growler on Wed May 23, 2012 2:00 pm


As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."
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Post by retired2 on Wed May 23, 2012 9:19 pm

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.
Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!"
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Post by retired2 on Wed May 23, 2012 9:19 pm

Grandfathers don't know everything!
[]
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmys mom wants to talk to you.'
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Post by retired2 on Wed May 23, 2012 9:20 pm

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute. "Do you know who the father is?"

Prostitute replies, "Oh! For goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"





Have A Nice Day And Keep Smiling!!!
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Post by growler on Thu May 24, 2012 3:55 pm

retired2 wrote:Grandfathers don't know everything!
[]
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmys mom wants to talk to you.'

do you think she wants bunk beds or sexual whatever he called it ?

confused
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Post by retired2 on Thu May 24, 2012 8:15 pm

Two Nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store.
As they passed by the beer cooler one Nun said to the other,
“Would a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”
The second Nun answered, “Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer
since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout counter.”
“I can handle that without a problem” the other Nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two Nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
“We use beer for washing our hair” the Nun said, “back at our Nunnery, we call it Catholic shampoo.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks,
and placed them in the bag with the beer.
He then looked the Nun straight in the eye, smiled and said,
“The curlers are on the house.”
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Post by retired2 on Thu May 24, 2012 8:16 pm

training the child early ! Sent10
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Post by retired2 on Thu May 24, 2012 8:17 pm

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE...

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(Cool Whatever :< /span> Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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