The Retired Golfer

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Post by retired2 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:38 pm

The Retired Golfer

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Wh...o wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life.

" He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies,

"No problem, just get that lion out of there."
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Post by retired2 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:38 pm

We Aussie blokes are so good to you women!!!



My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.


"Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said.



Being the nice fellow I am, I thought :



"Bugger it, I'll treat her!"


So we walked past it again!

!
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Post by retired2 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:38 pm

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after- work cocktail

With her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house
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Post by retired2 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:39 pm

Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57
Years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
You as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
With my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
Upset----I shall be home before midnight.


When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:



My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
About my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to
Remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math
Teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you
Read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
Students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
And like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
Will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
Difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

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