CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE

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CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE Empty CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE

Post by retired2 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:17 pm


CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE

1. ARBITRAITOR
A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through

4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do

5. EYEDROPPER
Clumsy ophthalmologist

6. CONTROL
A short, ugly inmate.

7. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

8. ECLIPSE
What an English barber does for a living.

9. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

10. HEROES
What a man in a boat does

11. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower

12. PARADOX
Two physicians

13. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm

14. POLARIZE
What penguins see through

15. PRIMATE
Remove your spouse from in front of TV

16. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring

17. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife

18. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does

19. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official

20. PARADIMES
20 cents
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Post by retired2 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:18 pm

Never force a child to pray


At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the prayer.

"But I don't know how to pray," he replies.

“Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.," says his father.

"Okay," stuttered the boy. "Dear Lord,... Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work. AMEN"
Dinner was cancelled.
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Post by retired2 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:43 pm

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer and a cheese sandwich. The barman looks at it curiously and asks. "You're a piece of string aren't you?" "Yes I am." The string replies somewhat indignantly and takes his beer and sandwich to a nearby table. Twenty minutes later another piece of string comes into the bar. "A pint of beer and a cheese sandwich please." It says to the barman, who again asks. You're a piece of string right?" "Yes." The string answers". " You're friend is sitting over there." Says the barman.The string also takes his pint and sandwich over to the table. A few minutes later the door opens and yet another piece of string comes in. This one is tattered and ragged at each end and tied in the middle. As it approaches the bar the barman says. "Let me guess, a pint of beer and a cheese sandwich. You're another piece of string aren't you?" "No." It replies. "I'm a frayed knot."
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Post by retired2 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:57 pm



One day, Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.

After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. Since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.

So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.

The sex was good but all the dove would say is .......... 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this so got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate..

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is........

'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.
but all the duck would say was.....










NO, The duck didn't say THAT!







... Don't be SO disgusting!








The duck said.....




'I am a DRAKE,
You made a MISTAKE!!
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